I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
