if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
