I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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