Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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