it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
whose parrot is this?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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