Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
