So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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