I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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