too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
