ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
