Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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