Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
