I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
