My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
