I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
