Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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