He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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