And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
