After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
