why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
