You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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