just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
