Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
