Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
