It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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