..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
