4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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