Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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