Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
