We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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