Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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