Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A bitchslap is in order.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
