i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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