Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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