the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
