my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
