All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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