Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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