tonight lets celebrate not being married
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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