alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
