Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
