So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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