Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
