I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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