Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
