he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
