He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't put those talents on a resume
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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