At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
