I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
