sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
