turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
