i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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