I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
