please come you make the beer taste better
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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