How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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