i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
